I am writing a memoir. Some key aspects of my journey include some darkness and potentially controversial topics. I don't think I can tell the full and real story (or have an interesting story) without including these details. I think the healing process for me is about exposing the secrets, about not being ashamed, embracing myself as I am and accepting the dark with the light.
Everything I read about online privacy says, "Never use your real name for anything but professional connections." "Never mix your personal/social identity with your legal/professional identity." The things I think that most people would be trying to keep private from their professional associates... are exactly what I will be putting in my book. A book I hope to publish for the world to read. Nothing is private if it's published. So I am in a quandary as to whether it makes sense to keep things private. I am seeking transparency, but right now I am feeling fuzzy as to the potential negative consequences. I am not sure they matter. This book is important to me. If I can't write the truth, there is no point in writing it.
I think the key for me will be in the editing process. I will need to make sure that I am REALLY clear what I am sharing with the world, and that the context is exceedingly apparent. There will still be many who condemn me. I may even lose out on some professional opportunities. That said, I guess I am an optimist (and hopefully not a Pollyanna) , because I just have an underlying faith that it will all work out ok.
It comes down to this: (or it did for me anyway).
ReplyDeleteWith whom do you want to share your authentic self?
How much energy do you have to shield your tender self from those who would condemn you, criticise, or otherwise attack?
Is it worth it to be completely open?
I've just (mostly) learned when & where to share and when & where to keep mum. Not everyone WANTS all my details, shocking! but true! So that's something I am still working on... =D
I wish you joy of your writing and editing journey, I hope you find satisfactory answers to all your questions, and have a wonderful, cathartic time in the process!
I think I know that not everyone wants my details, but I think I need them to self select - opt out - rather than me deciding for them. I just need to make sure people in my life know that I am not filtering and they might find out things about me they wish they didn't know.
ReplyDeleteI know some of it will be quite scandalous for some of my more conservative family members. That said, I don't need to go into TOO much detail on some of it. Such as: I don't need to discuss all of the nitty gritty of my sex life, but I do need to discuss issues of sexuality and how sexuality played a role in my self-esteem (and lack-thereof). Sex, body image, self-esteem: these are all very big topics in the "how did I get to be 400 pounds" question. I can't completely gloss over it.
I am sure I will be able to get some great advice by getting into a writers group, because most groups will have a good mix demographically, and I can see how some of the "details" land and see what suggestions I get as to where to soften and where to sharpen.
I find telling my story online is part of the process of healing. My inner negative voice doesn't have as much power if I tell its secrets to the world. I don't give away everything and I'm thankful for groups like HAI to have people I can tell everything too... but I do like pushing limits online with what is revealed.
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ReplyDeleteHello Kim
ReplyDeleteMy name is Al Lamfers. I am your fathers brother, which would make me an unknown uncle. I did a Internet search to see if I could find a way to contact you about some personal information on your father, Richard Lamfers. I can understand that you maybe think that the family of your father has no interest in you, but that is not the case back then or now. I am very sorry for your hard childhood and I too came from a mother-father broken family, so I can understand how it can be hard on a child.
We did what we thought your family wanted us to do. To stay out of your life. They said it would be hard on your life with a mentally ill father and his family in your life. Your father did not want to hurt you and I know he really loved you, but it was hard to show that love being where he was at. He always carried that same picture on your website of when you were five in his wallet. If you could have known your father before he got sick you would have loved him, everybody did.
In closing I would like to tell you that in finding your website I was very touched with saddest and joy for you. You should be very proud of yourself in the journey you have taken to make your life better!
Listed below is my email if you would like to contact me, if not we will still be wishing you well in the journey to your new happy life. I sure hope to hear from you. I did not want to list my phone number on the Internet, but if you contact me by email I will be glad to reply with my phone number so we can talk.
EMAIL REMOVED by Kim SO TO NOT BE INDEXED
Wishing you well!
Al
(Comment originally posted 3/31/11 10:18pm)