Haven't been writing much. Haven't been *engaged* much. I have been hunkered down, being a hermit. Very little socializing and a little bit of decluttering. Mostly just being a homebody, but not nearly as productive as I would like to be.
But you know... I am ok with that. I can't seem to muster up any regret for doing exactly what seems right at the time. Yeah, I know there are some 'shoulds' that are haunting me. Some of them are things I think I should be doing and WANT to do, but haven't mustered the energy to change my direction and make those things happen. Writing has been one of those things, but I was inspired this evening by this post. It is exactly how I feel, and exactly how I want to be. My freak flags are different from this writer's, but mine are just as freaky, just as scary to share. I haven't shared a lot of them, but they will all come to light as I delve deeper and deeper into writing my story. How could they not?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
A new phase of the journey
I haven't been prioritizing writing lately. Part of me felt I 'should' be writing more, but part of me was honoring the resistance, and focusing my energy in making progress in other areas. I have spent the last few weeks making very *slow* but real progress on dealing with my clutter. I still have a long way to go, but I will continue to forge ahead.
Tonight, I felt compelled to write, though. It's midnight, and the alarm will sound in less than 6 hours. But there is no way I can sleep until I process some of this energy that is pounding through me right now. I was just getting ready to come to bed. I grabbed my phone, and checked email from it as I walked to my room. I saw there was a comment posted from one of my first blog posts here. This email means I now have the means to fully write this story. It also means I have a whole new phase of my journey to begin as I process feelings and thoughts from so many years ago. It means I now have a way to get answers to questions I thought would go unanswered.
I am not sure exactly what I want to happen, but I do know I want to ask questions. Am I prepared for the answers?
The email was from my uncle. An uncle I have no recollection of ever meeting. He is my father's brother. Since I have been estranged from my mentally ill father and all of his family for 27 years, this is very out of the blue. It never occurred to me that I might be approached by family I didn't know. It isn't a bad thing, I don't think. At the very least, it means I have a resource for further research. I can get some answers.
It's like the universe is kicking me in the ass to get on with writing this book already! I had started to think that I should back burner it for a few months, since other stuff seems to be more on the forefront of my mind of late. I guess I know now that this needs to remain solidly on the FRONT burner.
You know, my stove has TWO front burners. One is large, one is small. They both work, but the large one heats up faster and things get cooked more quickly there. I think right now, the book needs to be on the small burner. The big burner has *everything* else in my life on it, so it's already overloaded....work, daily living, clearing clutter, building relationships... all that lies together on the big burner, but the small burner.... it still gets pretty darned hot, it still needs a good deal of attention. I can't forget about it again, I don't want to scorch it.
Tonight, I felt compelled to write, though. It's midnight, and the alarm will sound in less than 6 hours. But there is no way I can sleep until I process some of this energy that is pounding through me right now. I was just getting ready to come to bed. I grabbed my phone, and checked email from it as I walked to my room. I saw there was a comment posted from one of my first blog posts here. This email means I now have the means to fully write this story. It also means I have a whole new phase of my journey to begin as I process feelings and thoughts from so many years ago. It means I now have a way to get answers to questions I thought would go unanswered.
I am not sure exactly what I want to happen, but I do know I want to ask questions. Am I prepared for the answers?
The email was from my uncle. An uncle I have no recollection of ever meeting. He is my father's brother. Since I have been estranged from my mentally ill father and all of his family for 27 years, this is very out of the blue. It never occurred to me that I might be approached by family I didn't know. It isn't a bad thing, I don't think. At the very least, it means I have a resource for further research. I can get some answers.
It's like the universe is kicking me in the ass to get on with writing this book already! I had started to think that I should back burner it for a few months, since other stuff seems to be more on the forefront of my mind of late. I guess I know now that this needs to remain solidly on the FRONT burner.
You know, my stove has TWO front burners. One is large, one is small. They both work, but the large one heats up faster and things get cooked more quickly there. I think right now, the book needs to be on the small burner. The big burner has *everything* else in my life on it, so it's already overloaded....work, daily living, clearing clutter, building relationships... all that lies together on the big burner, but the small burner.... it still gets pretty darned hot, it still needs a good deal of attention. I can't forget about it again, I don't want to scorch it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)